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It’s that, if 9 times out of 10 (in real life), the special guy doesn’t turn out to be all that special, it may be smarter to reserve judgment for later.

This is what I mean about adjusting your expectations to conform to reality.

You want to know why your heart gets broken each time a new guy disappears?

It’s not because you’re a fool for believing that good men exist. He seemed so great, so perfect, so kind, so consistent. If this story feels familiar to you, it’s because it’s familiar to EVERYONE.

The point is that, by getting too excited about a promising dating prospect, you’re emotionally setting yourself up for heartbreak. When you choose to be devastated by a man who is NOT your boyfriend, what you’re really doing is holding onto the loss of your fantasy.

You’re not really mourning the loss of a guy you never had.

I think all of the fantasizing becomes a problem because so many of us have turned to online dating when we’re already desperate for a relationship.

That can quickly lead to the hopes that the next guy will be “the one.” Great post, as usual!

He texts you the next day to say he had fun, and instantly makes plans for the following Friday evening. He checks in during the week – a call here, an email there – not too needy, not too distant. I shared in Sandy’s pain, then informed her that she could respond in 1 of 2 ways: 1) She could be devastated that Mr. 2) She could realize that she’d never even MET this man. Anyone in her right mind would draw the same conclusion.This is what’s going to pay off with a serious relationship in the long run. I did get caught once or twice building air castles, but the sooner that can be nipped in the bud, the better.So, when my now-fiance announced pretty early on that he wanted to be my boyfriend, I was in a state of very pleasant shock.It’s not because he’s an evil human being hell-bent on destroying your self-esteem. The reason your heart gets broken each time a new guy disappears is because you are SURPRISED when he disappears. Men disappearing is probably a semi-normal occurrence. And the reason it hurts so badly is simple: our expectations aren’t aligned with reality.It’s not because you will not be able to survive without him. Then why act so shocked and devastated when outcome is so predictable? What I want to do is show you how to manage them – to protect yourself from continual heartbreak. Sandy was a 45-year-old client living in rural Wisconsin.

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