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"Whenever we find a new girl," Miri tells me, on maybe our fourth date. "All she wants is for someone to go shopping with," Ben says. "And to fuck." What she actually wants, I'm learning, is for someone to keep Ben company. But much of the time, dates start or end without her there. If you asked me, specifically, what we did, I could probably only provide you with the broad strokes. With a new engagement ring on my finger, I wonder if dating a couple may be a really great way to transition into a more serious level of commitment with a partner.

Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy.

In fact there usually isn't after the affair is over. Even though he has a deep feeling of love for you, he is able to process it in an unemotional way.

He's not a bad guy, he may be a wonderfully kind person, but he is also a practical one.

Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn't mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least.

Whether or not they have children is a moot point; he will always feel as if he has to be a husband to her and take care of the marriage, whether he truly loves her or not. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you. No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do." 4. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair.

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